An Open Letter to JHU Undergrads

Welcome back to school!  It's been a few weeks now, which means you're really into the swing of things.  You've gotten a handle on your coursework for the semester, figured out a good shower schedule with the roommate(s), and learned how to not have your cellphone stolen out of your hand while you absentmindedly peruse Facebook at the shuttle stop.

As someone a few years ahead of you in the Game of Life, let me share some knowledge with you.

Thursday is recycling day for the Homewood area, per the Department of Public Work's website.  This means that you put your recyclables outside on Wednesday night or Thursday morning, and they either need to be in a recyclable container (paper bag, box, etc) or a useable container with you address.  A plastic trashbag is not recyclable.  A plastic trashbag full of sneakers without pairs are not recyclable, at least not in the way that a beer can is.  Don't put all your beer cans in a plastic bag to be recycled.  That does nothing for anyone.  Also, why are you buying so much Miller High Life?  This is Baltimore.  Stick to 'Boh.

For the love of all that is good and holy, please eat your pizza crusts so that my dog doesn't.  I've already complained about chicken wings on the sidewalk, along with other things I've taken out of my dog's throat on walks.  Since you've come back to town, though, there are more pizza crusts than pigeons.

Not everything is worthy of a "WOOOOOOO."  Starting around 8:00pm on Thursdays until at least midnight on Sundays, I live in fear of the "WOOOO."  I hear the "WOO" when I shut my windows, run the Roomba, or do countless other things to drown you out.  The other day, I heard a "WOO" over the flushing of my toilet, and wondered if you were cheering me on for my bathroom accomplishments.  I understand that you're excited because you are free of parental supervision, but bring it down a "WOO" or two.

Music can be equally as wonderful without having the bass as high as possible.  I don't need my windows rattling.

There is an unwritten rule here in Adultland (beyond regular vacuuming and being in bed by 11:00pm): if the line that separates your leg from your butt cheek is visible, your skirt/shorts/dress/romper/trashbag/gym sock you oiled yourself into is too short.  This goes for both men and women.  This is not a matter of saying, "You look like a hussy," this is a matter of not everyone wanting to see your butt cheek.  Wear whatever you want, I don't really care.  Just cover up your butt, especially when you're "WOO"ing about how cold it is outside.

You don't need to wear fake eyelashes on a Wednesday.  No one needs to wear fake eyelashes on a Wednesday.  Not even people in fashion shoots.  Their stylists are all, "What? Are you crazy?  It's WEDNESDAY."  You're in your late teens/early 20s!  This is your prime!  Own it, without faking it.  You have no need to!

It's taken me some time to get accustomed to your presence.  It was a rough realization for me for the first two weeks, but I've warmed to you.  You bring dollars for local businesses.  You bring some diversity to the neighborhood.  You raise Bubba's self esteem by regularly telling me that, "WOOO HE'S SO CUTE."  You make me nostalgic for the years when my biggest concern was whether I'd get a burger at the dining hall, or a wrap from the pseudo-health-conscious stand in the gym.  People looking to nab an iPhone from someone's hands will also more likely head towards you, the drunk guy walking into a pole, rather than me, the girl in her pajamas picking up dog poop.

So thank you.  But remember, please bring the "WOO"ing down a notch.  Read the (incredibly simple) recycling rules; you're Hopkins students, you can handle it.  Turn down your bass, cover your butt, and accept that you are beautiful at 20 and don't need any fake eyelashes yet.  Be young and carefree, but not stupid.

Welcome (back) to Baltimore.
Sincerely yours,
Your Neighbor Who Really May Call the Cops if You Don't Turn Down Your Bass

Who Wore It Best? ... and other, far more important, things

The past week has been a whirlwind of activity.  Sadly, if you're here for an extensive(ish) write-up of something new to do in the city because you just moved here, I cannot do much for you beyond send you here.  You can thank me for the intro to the Fishbowl later.

While yesterday may have been Halloween, I spent it inside, working, and marathoning Freaks and Geeks on Netflix.  I celebrated Halloween (and my birthday!) last weekend, never once allowing myself the opportunity to sleep in.  That's for the youngins, right?  I spent Friday night setting up for and later attending (and judging phenomenal costumes) the Baltimore Bike Party's after-party (and after the party?  The hotel lobby) at Union Craft Brewery on Clipper Mill.

Saturday I went for another hike, this time to Loch Raven, with two friends and the dog.  Loch Raven was phenomenal, incredibly scenic, and the perfect fall hike to view the foliage before it all got ravaged off branches when Sandy came to town.  Little guy romped off his leash the entire five or six (purely a guesstimate here, as none of Loch Raven's trails are blazed or anything) mile hike, with only one near-submersion into the lake.  Success!

That night was another Halloween party, but at a friend's house in York, PA.  Sunday morning was the market (of course) and my birthday shindig where my wonderful friend provided me with gluten-free belgian waffle sundaes and great people came up/down/over/preposition for good times.

Then it was Hurricane time.  Sunday night, I hunkered down with the dog, Netflix, two random gallons of water, my parent's pilfered camping lantern, a constantly refreshing twitter feed, and every item in my kitchen that I could possibly remember existed, being thrown into a curry dish.  Mmmm... curried can opener.

This unnecessarily lengthy intro was to set the stage for what occurred.  After a busy, tiring weekend, Sandy came in and created the hype of Frankenstorm.  Baltimore shut down.  My office was closed (telecommuting!), public transit stopped running, my corner store pulled down its metal entry way blocking thing, ensuring that my wine stash was my wine stash, and there would be absolutely NO supplementing it.  Sandy was Serious.

Do you know what happens to people who spend entire days indoors, save for walking a dog in hurricane?  People who neurotically check their windows for leaks, with good reason, neurotically change the sopping towels on their windows, and engineer umbrellas to block the leaking rain from splashing onto you/your furniture/your electronics?  They go stir-crazy.  I worked, yes, but I also made scones.  And roasted my first chicken (with pomegrante seeds!  and help!  because nice people help you roast chickens in hurricanes!).  I also.... I also considered making a "Who Wore It Best?" for Bubba and I.

Yes.

I became that crazy woman who lives alone and has a creepy relationship with her pet.
That being said, you know you're curious.
"Who wore what best, MV?" you're asking.  "Why are you being so cryptic, MV?" you ask.  "No, I really don't care, MV.  Please stop," you implore.
Excellent questions.

I bring you two images:

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Sound off in the comments on who makes a better hotdog, and don't let the presence of relish and extra toppings sway you one way or the other! I tried to make you folks a handy poll, but it kept linking to what I think is the equivalent of a Polish Etsy.

Finally, and arguably far more important than the fact that my dog and I both wore hot dog costumes this October, dear, amazing, witty and informative Baltimore Chop apparently nominated me for two Mobbies, or Maryland's Outstanding Blogs.  I am embarrassed because I don't do well with compliments flattered, and torn between urging you to vote daily for me or daily for the Chop.  (Lucky you!  You can vote for both!)  I really am so grateful for how much everyone in Baltimore has made me feel so very welcome in the past year, even the twitter and blogospheres.  For those of you who know me, I'm constantly talking up the Chop and how he helped me get acquainted to this city when I first relocated, and even more so, how he keeps me up to date on wonderful things each day.  Good 'ol buddy Clube can attest to this.

This really serves as a great incentive for me to keep better tabs on this little blog, and not go so long between updates.  I was so much better at being a consistent blogger when I was in AmeriCorps, so hopefully now I'll get myself back into the swing of things.  I'm still in shock that I'm up there with the likes of the Chop, City that Breeds, Charm City Cook, Pigtown Designs, the Fishbowl, etc etc.  Amazed, and again, flattered.  So, go!  Vote!

Bienvenidos!

I first came to Charm City in October of 2011, meaning that I'm a relatively young Baltimorean.  When I moved here, I knew the Inner Harbor, where my office was, and the The Wire had been filmed/based off of Baltimore, without ever having seen the show.

I wanted to get involved, so I went to the Baltimore Sun.  I was aghast, or am too cheap, when I heard they charge $0.99 for a monthly online subscription.  What is this, the New York Times?  Get outta here, Bmore Sun.  I went to the intertubes for my news and found an array of fantastic area blogs.  None of them were a step-by-step guide of how to get acquainted with the Baltimore I've come to know and love through trial and error, so here we are.  That, and I've missed blogging.

I was recently told that I'm "boring on paper," in what I was assured was a complimentary fashion, but those things stick with a girl.  If this bores you, consider yourself warned.  It'll probably get awfully banal at times - I won't lie to you.

A brief summary of what I wish I had known coming here, and what I'm still looking to learn are as follows:

-This city has an arts scene that ought to be the envy of the mid-Atlantic.  With Gaia, Dan Deacon, Beach House, Single Carrot Theater, MICA, the BMA, the Walters, the AVAM, Artscape, good 'ol John Waters, and so much more, Baltimore offers a huge variety of artistic options without the price tag of New York.  And, dare I say it (dare I do!), I think they're more original and talented here.
-The people!  They're fantastic!  Having grown up right outside DC, I was accustomed to type-A personalities and cutthroats.  Baltimore doesn't take itself seriously, and I love it for that.  The city is more laid-back and happy to see where the tide will take it; Baltimore is always open to new suggestions.
-The restaurant options here have been disappointing.  Maybe it's because I was spoiled in DC, maybe it's because I love food, maybe it's because I was recently told to go gluten-free by my doctor and the options here just aren't cutting it for me, but whatever the reason, I'm disillusioned.  All my coworkers kept talking up places that are fine, but I get my hopes up each time.  I'm also on a hunt for some solid gluten-free food options around here.  In general, the bars have proven to be wonderful, but the fine dining is always "meh."  No worries, because...
-The Farmer's Market under the expressway is PHENOMENAL.  It may be my favorite thing in this city.  I love to cook food (see: gluten-free, disappointed in other area offerings), and the $1 kale man, 2 for $5 asparagus, $1 radishes, my beloved omelet and kettle korn men are all enough to make me never want to leave Baltimore.  Ever.  Yahoo recently ranked it the best Farmer's Market in the country - take that, Portland!
-Hikes.  Or just outdoors space in general.  As much as I adore my apartment, my "outdoor space" is a meager portion of my fire escape that I have to crawl out of my bedroom window to get to.  I share it with my neighbors, and that hyacinth I left to die out there.  It's very spacious and luxuious in that way that I've enjoyed a glass of wine out there a few times, but the dog gets antsy that he can't join so I'm forced back in.  As a result, I'd like to find more places to take my little basset, and maybe even find some good hiking in the region.  I briefly called Roanoke, VA home, and miss the proximity to amazing hiking very much.
-Club sports here are a way of life.  I convinced some coworkers to join the Bocce League in Federal Hill, and my life will never be the same.  It seems that almost everyone is in a social sports league, so if you're new, I can't recommend this highly enough.  Everyone is there to be social - they're all open to meeting new people.  When bocce season is over, I'm hoping to join a trivia league, because that's as athletic as I get - bocce and trivia.

This list seems paltry, but there is more that's just not coming to mind at the moment.  Welcome, though, and if you have any fun Baltimore tidbits to share, I would love to hear them!